Wisdom

I thought having wisdom would be different, that it would make life easier, less painful, more clearcut. Gathering up bits an pieces of enlightenment over the years (almost 50!) would, I had hoped, lead to a more blissful, peaceful, confident way of being in the world. Automatically less mess-ups. Shouldn't I know more, make fewer mistakes, experience less shame, fear and indecision at 50 than I did at 20?

I see now that I have misunderstood wisdom. Rather than a lack of fear and confusion, wisdom has made me more keenly aware of their presence in my life. The landscape hasn't settled down as I had hoped it would (I thought I could keep it steady if I did the right things) but rather shifts seismically with the inevitable losses that fleck all our lives. Wisdom doesn't stop bad things from happening, but what it can give is far greater; grace, humility, curiosity and through these both inner strength and stronger human connection.

This pertains to the writing life. I recently read that "Fear is fundamental to writing. Indeed, fear and not knowing is what adds life and momentum to your story." In life also, fear and uncertainty, confusion, misplaced anger or love, gives us over and over again the chance for humility which is the fertile soil compassion, creativity, and authenticity.

When loving attention, perseverance and kindness, truthfulness and compassion guide my steps, the path is not less rutted or steep but surely I am better able to find those easy places when I need them most where I can sit and sip the sweet lemonade from the child's lemonade stand.

Love your babies

Listening to Democracy Now! yesterday, the host Amy Goodman interviewed Dr. Gabor Mate, a physician at the Vancouver Safe-Injection Site and an award winning writer. Dr. Mate reminded me of how important love is for healthy brain development and functioning.

At the clinic that he runs, most of the drug addicts suffered terrible abuse as infants and children, abuse that prevented their brains from getting what they needed for healthy development. Love, Dr. Mate reminds us, is what enables baby's to grow and not just physically. When baby's receive deep nurturing and attention, the dopamine receptors in their brains learn how to work properly.

(Dopamine is the feel good hormone that helps us to feel pleasure, love, connection, satiation. When not working properly, we are left with a feeling of profound emptiness and disconnection. People turn to drugs, binge eating, alcohol, violence, obsessive shopping etc. to get their dopamine fix when healthful options are out of reach.)

Mate knows about this from a personal and not just scientific level. As a small child, he lost his parents to the Nazi's and with them the security and acceptance that comes from parental love. At his clinic, drug addicts are given a safe place to inject, clean needles, doctors to help if they overdoes. They are also helped to overcome their additions. The "war on drugs", in Mate's view in reality is a war against some of the most neglected and hurting among us. We need to treat addicts with compassion and not disgust. Who among us does not know profound emptiness and loss? Some of us just got enough of what we need (love, acceptance, support) so our bodies and brains don't need harmful life sucking drugs to lesson the pain.