Wisdom

I thought having wisdom would be different, that it would make life easier, less painful, more clearcut. Gathering up bits an pieces of enlightenment over the years (almost 50!) would, I had hoped, lead to a more blissful, peaceful, confident way of being in the world. Automatically less mess-ups. Shouldn't I know more, make fewer mistakes, experience less shame, fear and indecision at 50 than I did at 20?

I see now that I have misunderstood wisdom. Rather than a lack of fear and confusion, wisdom has made me more keenly aware of their presence in my life. The landscape hasn't settled down as I had hoped it would (I thought I could keep it steady if I did the right things) but rather shifts seismically with the inevitable losses that fleck all our lives. Wisdom doesn't stop bad things from happening, but what it can give is far greater; grace, humility, curiosity and through these both inner strength and stronger human connection.

This pertains to the writing life. I recently read that "Fear is fundamental to writing. Indeed, fear and not knowing is what adds life and momentum to your story." In life also, fear and uncertainty, confusion, misplaced anger or love, gives us over and over again the chance for humility which is the fertile soil compassion, creativity, and authenticity.

When loving attention, perseverance and kindness, truthfulness and compassion guide my steps, the path is not less rutted or steep but surely I am better able to find those easy places when I need them most where I can sit and sip the sweet lemonade from the child's lemonade stand.