Economix 101

I read yesterday that the income gap between the richest in our country and the poorest has risen once again. Yes, we all lost income during this recession. But, the rich lost less than the poor which seems ironic to me since the rich got us into this mess. It probably does pinch to loose a few million in bonuses and have to layoff some of your household staff at the French villa or the uptown apartments.

In our town, services have been cut to the bone and we face more cuts next year. We will loose more teachers and nurses, maintenance workers, providers for mental health. It will be harder to pay our mortgages, afford good child care, send our children to college, feed ourselves. Thousands go hungry in this region every year with more and more families facing food insecurity.

We hear from the captains of industry how important it is for executives to get paid alot. "We otherwise wouldn't be able to hire the best unless we give them small fortunes for their efforts!"

Why don't we hear this argument for our worthy teachers, nurses, care providers, construction crews?

Bliss

Some days I am filled with unexpected bliss. I wish I could bottle this feeling into an elixir to ingest when darker clouds cover my sky. I am light, my heart is wide open, I tap into the root of calm energy. My yoga teacher quotes Adyashanti, "There is no reason to withhold love from anyone or anything." She tells us her belief that love is the agent that can dissolve the sticky grip of the ego that keeps us trapped, stuck, unconnected. "Do you feel good when you can touch your toes and bad when you can't?" There are many crazy ways that I measure my worth, my worthiness. What would happen if I stopped believing in such judegements? I know when I am lying in bed for the last time, too sick or old to get up again, that such judging will seem ridiculous. "What a waste of time," I will say to myself not able to do anything anymore but enjoy the sun flickering through the red leaves or the soft hands of my grandaughter.

For today, perhaps I can let go and flow with the river so much easier than swimming up stream.

Dad's Math Book

I am thinking of my dad today. He showed up in my dream last night more clearly than ever before. He was telling me to put a bookcase in my room where my daughter could leave me questions she had about math problems.

I loved my dad's math books. He kept his high school and college text books around the house, algebra, geometry, calculus. I loved them because I could solve the problems and this gave him pleasure. I understood that strange language of greek symbols, angles, lines, and shapes. It was so satisfying to solve each problem of my homework, check in the back to see if I got the answer right, move on to the next problem to solve. With each assignment completed, I felt as if I had really accomplished something.

I search now for the completeness of accomplishment but its not as easy to find. No one is grading me anymore, there are no games to win, I don't get any bonuses in my line of work. Their isn't a conceivable end to the "to do list." Perhaps its not in the "getting" and "doing" but in the "giving" and "being" where satisfaction resides now in my ripening middle aged life. Its hard to remember this sometimes. When I can be present in the moment, I can find completeness, satisfaction, accomplishment enough. Its not so easily tied up like a math problem given is aliveness and ever changeability. With grace, I find the still point in the river that remains unchanged even as the waters rush by.

"Glamour is not Beauty"

John O'Donohue "insisted that Beauty is a human calling and a defining aspect of God." Beauty comes from the tangle of roots inside. They tap the wellspring of the soul to bring forth creation, creativity. There is beauty in the landscape, the duck's insistent quacking on the pond this morning, the maples slow turning to red.

Last week, may daughter's class visited the nursing home as part of their yearly service project. The 20 children pranced into the dining hall to meet their elder buddies, two kids per elder. The children squired and shook with a wildness around the elders who sat hunched in wheelchairs like snow covered mountains. Several residents sported orange stains on their shirts, a remnant of breakfast slipped from a shaky spoon. Jeanie Bear clapped and smiled when we sang "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," loudly and all together. Alex was delighted to learn that his elder buddy lived her whole life on a farm in the town where he lives now. Because she was blind, Helen held the hands of both of her buddies so she could know where they were. Their soft hands warmed her cold fingers. Jacob couldn't speak or move his hands, so his buddies sang songs to him rather than playing the games they had brought.

Glamour, like wrinkles, resides on the surface of the skin cut off from the deeply nourishing compost that supports our rendering of beauty in the world. God lives in the compost.

Timelessness

I heard the Irish poet and philosopher John ODonohue Sunday morning on NPR's Speaking of Faith. He spoke of that place which resides within each of us that is unwounded and whole. For me, timelessness resides in that deep place where we can rest, day dream, and find pinpoints of joy. You have to slow way down to get there which is hard today in our rush about world. But, I think its worth it to sink down below the waves to the place that is still, timeless, and forever.

Fall Grief

The changing season, wind blowing through the colorful leaves, chill at night, reminds me of father who loved the fall. He died four months ago and I still cry unexpectedly for unknown reasons. Sometimes, I do not even realize that I am sad but feel tension in my jaw and chest, unease in my lungs, anxiety. I scratch and right under the surface the sadness resides. Its hard to dive down into that pool but I brace myself for the plunge and always come out the other side.