What part of your body do you despise? Is it the back of the eyes during a migraine, the thick belly than hangs over the belt, the scar that runs the length of the torso? What would it take for you to love each limb, organ, twitching ligament in its imperfect entirety? What would it mean to be so beloved and appreciated by yourself?
Angel Baby undergoes brain surgery tomorrow. The skull, not quite large enough, needs rebuilding to make room for her growing brain. Angel Baby has blue eyes that shine with laughter and halo of golden hair to frame a soft face. She can be sensitive and cares very much what others think of her, whether or not she is beloved, good enough, deserving, beautiful (And who of us do not have such cares?)
Yes, I want to tell her as if my words could make her know her worth, you are quite beautiful. Tomorrow, mother and father will sit in the waiting room at Children's Hospital with all the others waiting for children to emerge intact from procedures that no child should have to endure. It is Angel Baby's second surgery. The first was before she could walk. Back then, Mother sat in the chair meditating as she waited a lifetime for the surgery to be over. In the waiting and meditation, mother entered the river of fear but was not swept away. After the current tore at her heart and pulled her thrashing underneath, she emerged gasping for breath no longer alone but connected all those who had sat before her in that same chair.
I imagine the wildest of geese will hold Angel Baby while she sleeps, transporting her to a soft sweet place and then back again into mother and father's arms. She will know her beauty (my prayer for her), even as her face swells and aches and bandages cover her shaved head, through our love.
What compassion can you find in your own heart to know your beauty, wholeness, connection to all who have sat in this chair before you?
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