Freedom Through Pain

In yoga, as in life, I am learning that pain cannot be avoided. Nor should it be.

In yoga, as in life, the way to grow is through pain. Where there is dullness, numbness, long held friction, movement will inevitably cause pain. This, afterall, is how new life, birth, is experienced. Sometimes sharp, others times throbbing, this discomfort that I initially retract from calls to me from parts of myself I did not know existed, "I am here!! Look how infinitly spacious, how deep, how penetrating."

Still, this is a treacherous journey from death through pain to life and, ultimately, freedom (if a spine that bends backwards is not the essence of freedom than I do not know what is.) I lack the courage for this journey. That is why I cherish my teachers who show me the way with patience, simplicity, and just enough sternness to bring me further. I depend on my sanga, the community of yoga students, whose striving is so beautiful, energizing, and supporting to me.

I am learning how to comfort my small self who wants no part in pain, who sees pain as defeat, incompetence, illness, incompleteness with my wiser self who sees how pain changes in the pauses, can be warm or cold, has soft contours that melt and release, who realizes that there is growth, fertility, and mystery in the pain.

As the stiffness in my hips and shoulders release, my muscles grow strong, my devotion to practice steadied, I gain release, devotion, steadiness in the rest of my life, off of the mat. Obstacles, pain, calamity, things not turning out how I planned, I see, are blessings like the aches in the neck and buttocks, showing me where there is dullness, fear, death waiting for a resurrecting breath.