Will and Surrender

Anne Cushman asks us to consider, "Where does striving reside in the body?"

My striving takes up residence in the hinge of my jaw, a tightness in the bite of my back molars, a thickness in the tongue. Striving lodges itself into the neck where the head rests on the spine and causes my throat to jut out in search of a better future. In my striving, the rest of the body may fall away leaving my thighs straining up the steep hill of my desires with too little breath.

Striving fools me into thinking that I have more control over things than I really do. While setting goals, having a plan, and a strong will, helps me to break through torpor, listlessness, and challenges, will, in and of itself, is not enough for wholeness. Cushman writes, "What I really value most in life cannot be achieved through willpower alone. I can't make someone love me. I cannot will creativity, healing, compassion, joy, insight."

Surrender, the counterpart to striving, brings softness, flexibility, ease, stamina, to the "doing". Letting go of what we cannot control, manage, negotiate into submission melts the striving from the body, allows the doing to be done without so much angst and exhaustion.

I imagine surrender and will as two banks of the river of my life. When there is too much surrender, the river weakened and undirected may lack the force to press through hard rock. When not enough meandering is allowed, the river can destroy what is beautiful, necessary even, for the wildflowers to grow and marsh wrens to sing.