Fall Grief

The changing season, wind blowing through the colorful leaves, chill at night, reminds me of father who loved the fall. He died four months ago and I still cry unexpectedly for unknown reasons. Sometimes, I do not even realize that I am sad but feel tension in my jaw and chest, unease in my lungs, anxiety. I scratch and right under the surface the sadness resides. Its hard to dive down into that pool but I brace myself for the plunge and always come out the other side.