Love Poem to A Seventh Grader

I tremble sometimes for your happiness,\that ventures abroad on so many ships.\i wish somtimes that you were back inside me,\in this darkness that grew you. (Rilke)

I dropped E off at 7th grade today, my heart skipping just a beat as she took her place among the oldest children in the school. She held my hand (still) as we approached the familiar old brick. I got (and gave) a peck on the cheek.

I wandered by the kindergarten classroom when I left. So little! Eighteen pairs of little toes and fingers, squirming in the circle where they will start each of their next 180 school days.

"I used to have one of those" I told a passing parent. She wore dresses then and patent leather shoes. She clung to J and I for months each morning teary when we left. We passed her from our lap to a teachers and told her, "We will be back!" She was so hungry to read then and learned quickly and with a single mindedness we have known since she was born. She is a sturdy, curious, ambitious learner, still hungry to know, pursue, and create.

I am so grateful for this chance to watch her grow into the person she longs to be!

As Rilke writes, however, I long for her and tremble when she departs from me. The translucent thread that goes from my heart to hers tugs and pulls when she is away from me. I fear it might break. i practice letting go so the threads won't break so she can find her way to me (and me to her) when needed.

For Rilke, God was like the child who grows and leaves us. An everlasting longing for the beloved remains along with the brilliant joy of the bird in flight.